List of 100 funny one-liners ranked by popularity, part 1! These will make you laugh and cry for sure! Reboot your joke collection with these funny computer jokes. 100 funny jokes and quotes about love, sex and marriage. Enjoy our collection of one liners, after all that’s what they are here for! Escalators don’t break down. I intend to live forever. We never knew he was a drunk. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. A blind man walks into a bar. At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted? Want to hear a pizza joke. What about a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one. Did you hear the one about the rope? Have you heard the one about the guy in the wheelchair? Never mind, it’s too lame. I used to be in a band, we were called . You probably saw our posters. I childproofed the house. Very Funny Jokes, One Liners and Humorous Phrases. Nothing lifts your spirits like very funny jokes. Please enjoy a collection of great funny quotes, if you have a particular interest in the Well, maybe except really funny short jokes. Reading some good jokes can kick your day off with a laugh and a smile, and why not do just that? He sent out a message to all the lands summoning the best warriors to his court in three years time. He opened a matchbox to release a fly into the air. With a slash of his sword, the tiny fly drops to the ground, chopped in half. He too opened a matchbox to release a mosquito into the air. With two quick chops, the mosquito dropped dead in four pieces. He opened his matchbox to set a small fruit fly flying in the air. He slashed the air, but the fruit fly continued to fly. He did everything on his own. He opens the door, and only sees a snail sitting on his stoop. He throws the snail across the street and goes back to watching TV. He opens the door to see an angry snail, who yells, . The rest of you will have to support yourselves. The loser would have to give up all of their weapons and surrender to the victor, who would then rule the entire world. At least it didn't include destroying the world. They came up with a huge, crazy dog that was part Rottweiler and part dire wolf. They mated this dog with a second most vicious dog they had found - a particularly nasty and unstable Doberman Pinscher. It was weiner dog, a tiny dachshund. The Russians laughed as they set their dog on the American dog. The American man pulled out a case of the finest cigarettes, took one drag on it, and proceeded to throw both the cigarette and pack out the window. His response to the shocked looks of the others was, . He took a sip, and proceeded to throw the bottle and the entire case out of the window. His response to the boggled looks of the others was, . His response to the American’s startled look was simply, . Each decides to take something with them to aid them in their trek through the desert. The second, being a staid Scotsman, grabs an umbrella. The third, being an Irishman, grabs the car door. He returns a few minutes later and asks, . The Irishman downs the pints in under ten minutes and collects his prize money. The American man asks him, ! What part of the city are you from?! What’s the name of your grandmother? The Thompson twins are drunk again. He gets up off his stool, but instantly collapses the moment he takes a step. He pulls himself up, and takes another step only to collapse. He manages to make his way out the door, collapsing at every step. He tries to walk up them, but has to drag himself up the stairs due to his inability to stand. He fumbles in his pocket for his key, and collapses into his home as the door opens. I’ve been playing poker with, uh, uh, that other guy. The bar called and said you left your wheelchair. No wonder, because wise men think alike, but fools seldom differ. Marriage is an agreement whereby a man loses his bachelor degree and gains his master. Marriage is an agreement whereby a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master. Your second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. Your third marriage is just plain old stupidity. However, we have found a few funny jokes that we think are. Not to mention that it can lead to sex .. So, in reality, when people are dating, who is dating who? But here's a plan: You go up to her door and meet her there first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned and you continue on your date. If you don't, just shout Aaauuuggghhh! Andrew's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts, . However, he had arranged with a friend to call him as an excuse to leave the restaurant if the date wasn’t a success. He spots a beautiful woman sitting at a table, and takes an hour to screw up his courage to go talk to her. I’m a psychology grad student, and tonight I am studying the way that people react when in embarrassing situations. Unable to find it, he asked the girl he had just been with, Tony, if she had one at hand. Naturally, the guy began to worry.
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August 2017
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